Naughty Nursery Rhymes Part 2 (18)

Part One is here

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For just an itty bitty.
Jill's now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city

Jack and Jill Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass
Now two of his front teeth are missing

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny.
Jack got a shock
and a mouthful of cock
cos Jill's a convincing tranny.

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white and whispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now its black and crispy

Mary 'ad a little pig
She couldn't stop it gruntin'
She took it down the garden path
And kicked its f**king c**t in!!!!!

My friend Billy Had a ten foot willy,
He showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake
And hit it with a rake
And now its only 4 ft 4.

Spider, spider on the wall.
Ain't you got no sense at all?
Can't you see the walls been plastered?
Now you're stuck you silly bastard

Hey Diddle, Diddle,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
Then died of electric shock.

There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead...
And when she was good,
She was very very good,
But when she was bad
She got a fur coat, jewels, a Waterfront condo and a sports car.

1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall...
There'll be no sticks of dynamite and no f**king wall

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed
Little Bo Peep was giving him head
As he came, she started to weep
She could tell by the taste he'd been shagging her sheep

For an X rated Humpty Dumpty go here.